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But lessons learned. This year I learned that God will be there no matter how badly I think things are going to go. I started this year on my face in anger and frustration. I had a plan to make things better for my kids, it all seemed so simple it had to work. I had hubby year before last pay our home insurance outright. We went through the year thinking that we would do this one more time and after that the insurance money would not be coming out of our escrow and they would not be collecting the extra money from us every month for said insurance.
Without our escrow our house note would be 730 a month and we were paying 890 at the time which to me looked like more than a hundred a month that could be going to the children. I worked hard. I budgeted and scraped and saved everywhere I could for that year, while pregnant with my now infant son. Tax season came last year and it was all going to be right. Our insurance, after Katrina, went from 900 a year to nearly 1,800. I nearly died but fine we would pay it, get some money back from our escrow and all would be right with the world. Then they would evaluate our escrow, lower the amount we had to pay into it and, viola, our monthly payments would be less and our children would enjoy a few small luxuries thay hadn't had for a year, part of the money I scrimped and saved.
So we get our taxes ready and I start making calls to the insurance and to the lender to let them know we would be paying around Feburary the 8th, insurance being due on the 10th, and how we were going to manage everything. Well I got a surprise, the lender informed me that they had already paid the insurance and our escrow would be increasing by that amount. She estimated 980 a month, which in the end was more like 1020. I cried. I went into the bathroom and I begged God to explain to me why he wanted my childrens lives to be filled with hunger and misery. I asked him how I was to pay for the child I now carried. I begged and asked. I demanded He understand that I had worked hard and here my work was getting smashed to bits. I had suffered so that in the future years my kids could have it a little better and here I was grasping at the sands of effort pouring through my fingers and nothing I could do would stop it. Our efforts mean nothing, I'm sure He meant me to learn that but now was not the time.
Then something happened that made me recall another tragedy.
When my husband and I were living in apartments, we had lived in 3 different apartments together technically but my children have only known 3 neighborhoods including this house(we had a 2 BR and a 3 BR in the same complex 3 BR when we had 3rd baby) getting increasingly better as we moved, his grandmother died. We decided to have a baby, it actually took a while because I had been on depo for a year and lost a pregnancy while on it, and I started using NFP to try a bit harder. We concieved a girl, who was named before her conception, and I started the road to being a mother of 3. I had nightmares of losing her and I am sure I was not all there during the pregnancy as the loss of my other babies, the ones I can clearly see now I was trying to replace, had not been dealt with. I had been keeping in contact with my grandmother who was very ill and on dialisis, and I had to keep in contact with her directly because I had dropped my very dangerous mother as a part of my life. She said something that was horrible beyond words and that was it.
Well months passed this way and I was due to be induced on September 13th and had to be in the hospital at 6:30 in the morning. It was the 12th and I couldn't sleep, it wasn't excitment. I felt like every cell in my body was jumping. I felt like I wanted to crawl out my skin. I felt like something had grabbed me in the middle and started pulling and pulling till I couldn't breath or think. Then the phone rang. It was my oldest sister, who never really called me and certainly not at 11 at night. She said Josie sit down, I said I already was. "Grandma died about 10 minutes ago. Aunt Laura was with her". And I cried. I hurt so bad I couldn't think straight. And when I realized how unbearable the pain really was I went into the bathroom and, through events I wont describe here, realized there was a bag and every time I was in pain a pain just between my pelvic bones got severe.
I tried to wake my husband and he told me to let him sleep, we were going to the hospital in a few hours. I was already dialated to 5 before I had the call from my sister, and had been that way for nearly 5 weeks, I was probably about 9cm now and we didn't have hours. I woke him again and once he was really awake he understood the gravity of the situation. The older 2 kids were sleeping on a pallet next to my bed and we, with me helping and in a big hurry, got the into our Chevy Cavalier and rushed to the hospital with me yelling and pulling myself up on the Oh Sh*t handle and panting..
We got to the hospital and triage was filled with woman who had been there for hours and would be going home soon, the nurses promised. So I was put on the premie floor and before too long they realized I wasn't like one of those woman up on the L&D floor, who had come just in case. They, in a panic, put me on a delivery bed the was meant for turning people upside down if absolutely neccisary and told me not to push, which was impossible because my body was doing it without me. I never pushed even once, there was a gush and then there was a baby. I cried with joy and I cried with sadness. We had picked the name Saoirse before she was concieved. It was her name and I wasn't changing it so I chose to give her the middle name Cathleen, after my Grandma Cathy. So here was this little girl meant to make up for the loss of twins and a beloved grandmother. Aweful big expectations don't ya know, especially for a 20 inch long 7lbs 3oz little girl who's biggest experiences up to now had been swimming, sucking her 2 middle fingers and, oh yeah, being born.
My grandmother was amazing. Some of my fondest memories of my horrid childhood are of being tossed off to her because of my mothers latest person who was more important than us. She had breast the size of a toddler bed that were more than often enough used for just that. Now this woman could hold you with one hand while you were sleeping and shop, clean or cook at the same time. One could get a full nap and wake in her arms to a cup of hot coco or juice, either with a biscut or cornbread and a piece of ribbon candy, and never know that they had been drivin to the store, gone shopping and cleaned the kitchen with her. For all the hell of my childhood she was the one source of grace and peace in my life. There weren't many Christians in my family so the idea of God was almost threatening to me.
OK so It's 2006, I have just gotten the news than I am going to be much poorer than I had been the year before, paying for the birth of my newest child was going to be impossible (ohh did I forget to mention that the insurance company had as of then not sent the midwife and estimate or a any type of confirmation that they would be paying my bills even though I had out of network coverage) and my life was about to get a lot harder. I am in the bathroom crying my oldest is beating on the door begging me "Mommy, whats wrong", hubby calls and just as I see my life being strangled into poverty, possibly homelessness, I tell him the news through sobbs of desperation and knowledge of impending doom for our family. Just then I hear and feel a pop. My water had never broken before till the baby was half out or nearly so but I said, still sobbing and feeling worse for this little precious we now had to feed, "my water just broke".
He called the midwife and I sat in the bathroom to finish crying.
When she got there, she did call me first, she tossed a little tab on the aborbant floor pad I was standing on, asked me to step on it and it turned green. I love the color green. Its my favorite, but this time I was less interested in the color because it was to test if I was continually peeing on myself of leaking water. Well it was the water from the amniotic sac, which we learned after the birth was ripped at the top due to my crying.
We had our little nearly one year old now child and a horrible year, but still, as I said I started the year on my face in anger and frustration, now lets add defeat because its true. We were going to starve, and this was before the magnificent sequence of disasters that you need only visit my husbands blog to know of. I asked myself where it all stopped.
Well my insurance is a hundred more this year than it was last year and my state decided to raise my houses worth from 109,000 to 130,00 knowing I could never sell it for that, but hey whats a little lie when you have power and need a few hundred million more that you know the people of your state cannot afford to pay. I would say its going to be a horrible year but so it was also the prediction for last year. Yet here I sit still in my house no thinner than last year(sans baby), having had every disaster solved(sometimes miraculously), having exchanged Christmas gifts with my husband when we hadn't been able to afford in our better years, having had a "Christening party" for my 7 and 5 year old for which 2 people I had never met came from another STATE to God parent my children. Its one thing to do this for a sister but I had only spoken to my childrens Godmother online and never to her husband, they came over we had a decent time. Heaven knows I want to be better than I am now next time I have company from out of state.
So I started my year in misery and ended on my face in gratefullness to God and all who were there to help. God is merciful. If not ending our suffering He is actually crawling into it with us, suffering the din of the hammers and piercing mysery of the nails, as He does through eternity with us and for us. Where we suffer He gives us life to help us bear it. Where we have loss and death of dreams and those we love He gives love, life and hope.
Wherever we let God in that place grows. We grow and those around us, through no effort of thier own, grow into people that we had not recognized them as before. A little girl, concieved to sooth the pain left by a lost grandmother in law and the loss of her older sisters, who are themselves delicate little porcaline and perfect examples of everything girlish(despite never having had to prove thier natures), born through tears for a loved Grandmother, begins to look like a little tumbler. Ready to climb trees, jump from high spots, tree branches and then have a spot of tea with cookies after she is done. A house that you would rather burn to the ground than deal with anymore, nevermind decorate, becomes a home with teacups hanging on the wall and a tiered shelf with cookie jars on it. A husband you felt a bit distant to becomes a sweetheart who gets the gifts right, without any prompting, misery or dissapointment because of a poorly chosen present. A newborn babe becomes the thing that takes your mind off the bills and doom that is sure to follow nearly every things you do. A friend, who herself has had a year not worth remembering, becomes an attendee to your first "Christmas party". Another grandmother who was abandoned due to meanness and cruelty to my oldest becomes a repentant, sorrowful woman who only wants to see the babies, with no sign of exasperation at hearing there are now six. I am almost certain that as she nears 81 and is reaching into the begginings of dementia, though she did remember my calling her Christmas, I heard joy in her voice when she said "six, really and I have only met the oldest 2". She kept telling me that they had missed me so. And it wasn't her usual uppityness. There was no hint of pride. Nothing to tell me she was being manipulative . These were words spoken though near tears, humbly asking and begging to make things right that had gone so wrong. Asking to have maybe a moment, where years had been laid to waste, to love children she knew she herself had pushed out of her life.
It was a hard year. But not a bad one. We struggled and very little has been had in the way of luxuries but still I ask myself, how can God be so good? How could the death of God in mans form bring such joy? How can I forget, as we Catholics are still celebrating the birth of our King more than 2 thousand years ago, that a little babe, born at a bad time, headed for a horrible fate could bring me such joy?
I learned a few lessons. The first is God is merciful. The second is that if there are people to love troubles seems less disasterous, more like aggrivations to be overcome. The rest I will get into later, maybe. Ohh and I have learned that I don't write often but when I do it's nearly a book.
So I had this video I took of the kids that I couldn't get up. I dunno what happened but here it is below. I did nothing different from the first time I tried and this time it worked. Will post more later. We were cooking out with my friend from the previous story and my youngest stood up and took his first 2 steps. He is so cute.. And yes when he fell back I caught him, no cracking the baby skull on concrete.
I am going to write a post that is in reference to a post on my husbands blog. I dunno how to link you but give me a few to figure it out. mainmor.vox.com/library/post/the-northern-front.html . Ok did that do it? We will see. I can't yet find the way to cut and paste.
Ok we have been having trouble with neighbors. I have had one neighbor for about 4 years and I have always know her to be a drunk/pot-smoker/cigarette enthusiast, as in 2 and a half packs a day. I have always know her to be a bit to forward when talking to the kids about her past and don't let the kids around her. Ever.. And they Never go into her house.
"Ohh no I'm sorry I breastfeed and he has to stay with me". Ohh Thank God I breastfeed.
"Well girl he is one year old he can take a bottle".
"Uhh no he really can't. It interferes with the breast feeding relationship."
"Thu Whut?".
"I really have to go. I have to get supper finished".
Now it may be hard to believe but I had to repeat this conversation with her for the both the babies I've had since we moved here. I have tried to be a good neighbor and not be a problem. I didn't bother her and I considered her invitations to bring my kids over for her to watch uninviting but harmless.
We had been here about 1 year or more and our gray/old/no airconditioning but paid for van's battery died. I ran over and ask her if they could help us charge the car, we had jumper cables, and possibly take hubby to auto zone. She did and we thanked her. On 2 occasions I borrowed her ladder to get on top of the house. We didn't have one of our own, being new home owners, so that was nice. I thanked her and moved on.
We didn't talk much at all and then one day I decided it was cool enough to go for a walk. I plopped Eoin, who was a mere few months old, into his stroller told the kids to hop onto thier bikes and lets go. When we got back home it had gotten a touch cooler so I sent one of the kids in to get me some coffee and them a drink. When they came out I asked for my keys back and they said "ohh". They had left the keys in the house. No problem we just go in and. What? Ok, They LOCKED the keys in the house. I got on my cell phone and called hubby and told him I had to break the back window to get in. The sun had gone under the clouds and a sharp cool breeze had begun to blow, we were freezing. He said absolutly not to break the window and he couldn't come home. So like an idiot, I should have broken the window pane and replaced it later, I took all the kids up on the porch and we sat there in shorts with no blankets and the baby with nothing to lay in but his swing, the stroller had been put inside, it was about 10:30 and we had eaten around 7:30. About and hour into my sitting there trying to figure out how to keep my kids warm and giving the kids sips of my coffee from a gas station mug my neighbor, the one were having problems with, drives up. She saw us on the porch and came over to ask why we were out there. I told her what happened and she brought us some box juices, towels and sheets to cover up, and some generic cheetos then went back into her house. She checked on us once more while I waited for hubby to come home.
He did get home, finally, and I put all the kids into a warm bath, youngest first, and got them fed. For 2 weeks we coughed and hacked, tiny little Eoin included. He coughed so much and then he would go limp like he wasn't breathing. I was scared to death. I should have broken the damn window and let the consequences be what they were.
I didn't see her again but a little till last summer. She had gotten custody of her son and bought him a pool and said "You should bring the kids over and we can make some hotdogs, it would be alot of fun"
"Ohh I suppose, I'd be glad to get the hot dogs. I buy them in these huge boxes at sams and they are real good. Just let me know when and I'll get 'em ready". I get everything at sams, there is nothing you could say I need ... that wouldn't get the answer- Ohh I have a box of em let me go get you some.
Not a word for 3 weeks. She sees me checking the mail and we have nearly the same conversation, the kids hear it and constantly beg to go to her pool.
Never another word. I told the kids "I am not going to go begging after her pool, when we get the taxes done this winter we will buy you your own". Well I saw nothing of her son or her till I was out getting the mail and she said "hi, what are you all up too". Now by this time I have Eamon in my arms and we repeat the breastfeeding/no you can't watch my babies conversation. And I made the stoopid mistake of informing her that I had just bought the kids thier own pool.
"What size is it?"
"Its 14ft at the top and 18ft at the bottom. Its...".
"Ohh they don't make that kind 14ft deep, it would take up your whole yard.""No its..The blow up ring is 14 ft around and its 4 ft..."
"Ohh you mean 3& a half feet. They only make the ones like mine, its 24 ft., 4 feet deep".
"uh no its 4 ft.deep and I.."
" Does it have a rain sprayer?"
"A what? No I dont think the box said anything about that. Its just the pump, the vaccum, the pool and some pool gear. I have all thier goggles, swim rings, body boards, and pool toys. As soon as it warms up a little I'm going to set it up".
"Ohh you will never get it up. Your yard isn't level and you have to have someone come out, it costs 4 hundred dollars to do it, and get them to fill your yard in with dirt and level it off. You probably can't do that".
" Ohh I'm the handy one in the house. I figure I just need to mark off where I'm going to put it and buy enough dirt to balance it...".
"But you'll need a big truck full of it. Thats a lot of dirt".
" I know it is. Im not sure how much we will need but I can take the seats out of the van and put it back there".
"Ohh, well..."
"I have to go The kids are running out after me"
"Ohh, hey kids..."
"Get inside guys I'm coming in too".
So everyone in class who knows what happens next raise your hands. Thats right children, every day from then on her son was at my back door. See his 24ft, that looks exactly like mine, pool was laying at the bottom of a bunch of dirt & dried up leaves under a tarp that was covered with dog poop and just generally nasty stuff. So everyday I heard him.
"are you going to put your pool up yet?".
"No, its too cold out side still and I'm waiting for it to ..."
"but its warmer now, it gets real warm out".
"I'm not putting it up till its warmer but you guys can play outside".
And so this went on till June, by which time I had met my new neighbors little boy, I started getting ready to put up the pool. We went and got the dirt , spread it out layed the pool on it. It wasn't enough, I arranged for my sister and her friend to come over and go get the dirt so I could lay it out. I put stakes in the ground and ran yarn from one to the other raising and lowering the yarn to get it right.I took my yellow bubble leveler and checked it. Check, we had that done now I started laying on the dirt. J, the first neighbors kid, was over as were D & A the new neighbors kids. They all said they would help put it up, none did. I mean really what could one expect they're kids, freshly out of school and ready to party. They were waiting for the water. I loved the look in thier eyes, its the look kids should have. Well after 85 40 lbs bag were layed and I did it lazy, I layed the bags where the dirt needed to go cut it with a pair of scissors and spread the dirt, we started to fill the pool. I had sent all the kids to play in the other side of the yard so we grown ups could work and called them back when we were done. First it was a slip and slide. Then it was a splash pool then it was a cool bath. Janet asked it I needed anything and I said If you had another hose that would speed things up. She did and we were, well the kids were, hip deep in water. It was such a wonderful day. Unfortunately it was a sort of a honeymoon.
When I had met D it was on my back porch. My kids were having icees and I said he could have one but I had to talk to his mom first. I went over and asked if he could have one and if he was allergic to any dyes. He wasn't and she said he could have one. Everything was great, the kids were playing nice the boys were being boys- meaning they had the wooden swords we got at the Tn. Ren Fair and were "battleing" each other. Every now and again one got a pop on the knuckles or other spot and cried.
"Calm down, take a deep breath.. Does this hurt?"
"No".
"Then your fine. Go play. Boys be careful those swords are heavy"
No harm no foul. 'Till J got hit with a stick on the arm. I thought, "no biggie, Cullen, Corrin and D handled it".
"Just chill dude". Not a word. Straight back in the house. His house, not crying, not upset, nothing!
The kids get antsy several days later and want to know if they can go see D's trampoline. So off I go to meet the new mom and we have a very intersting conversation.
"Hi, I'm Josephine, I was over before a few days ago. I don't mean to bother you but the kids think D is hilarious and want to know if he can come over or if they can play?"
"D is grounded, something happened the other day and he was too rough".
"Ohh is everything ok?"
"No that little boy over there got hit and his mom went nuts. I'm keeping him in for a few days".
"You mean when he was at my house?"
"No he came over later to play on the trampoline and the got to fooling around with sticks and J got hit".
"I've known her for 4 years, she just got her son back and her middle son died of a heart defect back before I had Eoin maybee she is being over protective right now".
"Maybee, I'm just keeping him in for now. He has to not get so worked up".
"Yeah, boy are built for agression though".
OK Up to now my kids had only played with J. A little boy named William comes to ride bikes with his sister sometimes but noone ever really talks to me. And at that note we continue the rest of this conversation.
"You have known her for 4 years huh?"
"Yes I have but only J for a few months, we met him before but he has only been around since the summer".
"Do you know about her? I mean.."
"Ohh yeah I know, I had a similar childhood and the rest I just take for what it is".
"You mean you do the same stuff she does?"
"No, we don't! No no. We don't do that stuff".
"I wasn't sure. She told us that you were different and kinda odd. She said you only talked to and trusted her. You know, that besides her you just kept to yourself".
"Uhh, no. I had a good friend over here who homeschooled too and the kids would ride together, She moved but we still see each other at church".
"Ohh, Well thats good. I might let D play for a bit he has been miserable".
And so all the kids would come to my house and I would make them sandwiches, much to my husbands displeasure, and they played and swam and goofed off. I handled the spats as needed and thought they were solved. End of honeymoon.
J Got more agressive and more whiny at the same time. I told him that its OK to be stressed but you have to pick up and move on. You can't dwell on hurts so much. Believe me I know, dwelling just makes it more painful. The boys, D & J, got into more fights and D's mom would call him home and J's mom would stand on the side of the road screaching about all the damned mean a** kids in the neighborhood. All the kids and parents in the neighborhood call her the b*tch on the corner or the drunk b*tch on the corner, all of them. She even told me she knew they called her that and didn't care. Anyhow the point is her son, who was picking some of these fights, was not called home. I sent him home and he tried to argue and I said
"My kids have to go inside anyhow. Everyone is going to get cranky".
"Ohh can I come in?"
"No, its time for everyone to go home".
"Why can't I come in. I wanna play the game cube? Can I play animal crossing?"
"No, Its time to go home. Kids come on we gotta do lunch. By J we will see you tomorrow".
So he goes home. I should mention that J's mom and I had talked and I agreed to watch him from about 8:30 in the morning 'till noon or 1o'clock every other tuesday so she could go to an older mans house and clean for him. I never asked her for anything so when she said he had given her 40$ to pay me, he was there till 4:00 nearly everytime and stayed longer after she got home, but she was only giving me two fives,=10 bucks, I didn't care. Now this happened 4 times. Her son was over here all day. He would get on the game cube even though we go from youngest to oldest. He told my kids to "get off" so he could play. He was so mean to Saoirse. He used to ask her if she wanted something then take it away and give it to Chiara. And worse Chiara took it. He would tell them he wanted to play mario with them and then say he wanted to play animal crossing be himself instead, for 4 hour straight. And worse my kids let him.
After he went home I talked to the kids and told them to not let people exclude/hurt thier siblings. All seemingly petty stuff. Patterns started to develope. Be nice to Saoirse, push her of the recliner, which he for some reason had decided only he could sit in.Be nice to Cullen take away stuff he is playing with.
"J you need to stop that. They are smaller than you and you have to be careful. If you are mean to them they will get tired of it and be mean to you."
"But he isn't sharing. I just wanted to see it and.."
"You are 12. He is 5 and she is 6. Keep your hands to yourself".
He didn't. I'd send him home for a day and the same crap would start up. Or id send him home and 10 minutes later get... Rinnggg. Rinng.
"Hello".
"Hey, Josie, J was wonderin if he could come over and I gotta go do something right quick I'll be right back I promise".
"Ok but call me when you get back I just sent him home".
"Why what'e do?"
"He was taking stuff from the babies and pushing them off thier stuff".
"Oh, well kids do stuff like that.He will be over in a minute. I'll talk to him".
"Ok".
He comes back over and same stuff. It never failed, when she got home I'd try to send him home she had just smoked a bunch of weed taken a percocet for her migrain and needed me to watch& feed him for a while. I decided to be charitable and believe that percocet can bugg your eyes out and dilate your pupils too. I had never taken it so why not. However, after 4 or 5 times of this and one time of her running over to my yard in a panic and telling me that her hubby was drinking and she had to run over to the afore mentioned old-mans house to get some money in case her hubby threw her and J out. OK well we had been swimming all day. I had no intentions of baby sitting him but there I was stuck with him for another 2 and a half hours. I fed him supper and waited for his mom to come and get him. Now it really upset me that Chiara had handed my baby to J. As she was leaving she stopped and and J got in her car with my infant son. My daughter, had I not been accousted by J's mom and forced into service, would have gotten the hell slapped out of her. I was so sick I could have thrown up when I saw his mom scooting down the road with the passenger door open and J sitting there holding.. OMG somebodies gonna die, my infant son is in the drunks car. Its not what I should have thought but when I saw him thats what I happened to think.
So lets go forward to a month ago. The kids were all over playing in the pool and when we got out they were to get rinsed off and get ready to go home. J, for probably the same reason he decided my recliner was his, decided he was the only person who could rinse people off. Except he was spraying them in the face.
"J quit. That hurts".
"Hey stop spraying people in the face".
"J stop that right now. I will send you home. Whats going on?".
"J was spraying D in the face and he threw a box at J".
"Yeah he threw a box at me".
"Well J I don't think he could have seen you and thats wrong for you to do. That a power sprayer and you have it on jet . It feels like your skin is being cut to get hit with that".
"So what are we going to do tonight Chiara, can we watch sailor moon".
"Guys, I have to get your dad to help me put together Amys VCR and make it work on out TV".
"Whats going on tonight".
"D is spending the night".
"Can I spend the night".
"No we have had this in the works for a week and I can only handle 1 extra kid at a time".
J went home. He got his radio, I asked him not to bring it, his towel and his stuff and he went home. He wasn't crying or upset he just walked out Corrin helped him carry his stuff back to his place and we are getting things ready for D to come over. and...
"Josie, what the hell just happened?"
"I have no idea, what?"
"J is over there crying because his ear and mouth hurts".
"What?"
"He said D just hit him in the face with a box".
"I'm not sure even if he did throw it at him and hit him he wouldn't have been able to see because J was spraying him in the face with my pressure nozzle".
"Well J just had surgery to pull his tooth and Im not going to have some kids hitting him with boxes".
"They didn't Hit him with boxes, D threw a box and I guess hit him. He left my house with nothing wrong and said not a word to me that it hit him"
"WellI don't want him being hit and.."
"He was spraying everyone in the face with a pressure hose. I asked him not to do that and he did anyways. Saoirse and Cullen are too small for that and it hurts like your being cut". I mean duh its a PRESSURE NOZZLE.
"Well regaurdless I don't want him being hit".
OK here let me just consign myself to watching every little stupid thing your son does and make sure innocent 8 year olds don't throw things at him.. I'll get right on that. Really I will.
Ok a few day later we had the kids baptised , The God parents were down and I had to refill my pool. I got it finished on saturday night/earlysunday morning. D&A and J were invited to the party. We all swam and The godparents had to so so I put the pinata up.
"Can I go first".
"No J the little ones are going first its thier party."
"Oh, can I go next".
"NO".
"Ok, we all get 5 hits".
My niece K had her hits and then going on up to the oldest. After it was all said and done I ripped it open and dumped it out and the kids were gettig stuff. I had 8 to 10 cars in there and J was grabbing them. I said for him to leave some for the younger kids. He was plowing over people and being generally dumb. So his mom came and got his bag and Chiara and my kids had thier candy gone before you could say hotdogs anyone.
Two days later. Tuesday, me and the kids are swimming and J comes over to swim. well from around the corner I hear:
"Hey lets put the frogs in the pool" If you see the post "Saoirse destroyer of worlds" you'll see the frogs, anyhow not 5 days later-after that photo- they were put in the pool.
"Noooo Don't put the frogs in the pool. I just.. Who put those in there?"
"J" rang out a choir. So in my newly cleaned pool, 1 day later we had tadpoles. Lots of them. I had a literal biblical plauge brewing in my brand new pond, and it was thick as mud. I couldn't do it again. Its 50 bucks to refill the pool so the next time I saw Janet I told her there would be no more swimming as I had to drain my pool again just a week after refilling it because J had put frogs in my pool. It was july the fourth and she told me she was sorry and she would give me 50$ to refillit and Ohh I was saving her money and I've been so good to let him be over so often and he loved eatin' over there because I cook well. OK I take the check and give it to hubby. It sits in his wallet and we aren't going to cash it till we need to pay the water bill. Then the Sh*t hit the fan.
Everyone was over, we had talked about the whole not bulling other people and and running home to mommy. He knew he had to behave and T, D&A s mom was over and Tiny littleLl was in the pool. L is 3 years old, do keep this in mind, and on her brother Ds back. A went home early for a dunking violation and we were sitting talking watching our kids, J and some girl he had brought over, Js mother of coarse is not there. He had a girl over to swim before and she was sweet as sugar so I had no problem with it.. Wrong thing to do. I hear a huge flurry of motion and get up.
"Mom D is choking Corrin"
"What?'
"They are all splashing him and kicking him underwater and he grabbed Corrin".
Im putting the baby down but when I get up there I see this girl grabbing his hair and kicking D. I was livid as was Ds mother. We get d out of the pool and his mother sends him home. She was yelling back at the girl
"Be quiet, don't think I didnt see you on him". I was not yet clear on what had happened so I asked the most honest person in my yard.
"Chiara what happened. After we got in that girl said to gang upon D" And gang up they did. J told his mom that D was kicking him and the girl in thier privates. He had his little sister on his back and sands 4 ft 4 and a half. My pool is 4 ft deep when I have it to the rim. I can smell the stink of that lie right off. Js mom was coming over to yell at me and D and she wasn't sure what what had happened yet. AS she walked out the door D told his big brother that J had beat him up, and after all was said and done thats what we found out had happened, and he was headed over to repay the favor. A left her house after his mom yelled for him to get in and I asked my daughter what happened in front of Js mom. She told her the same story I got. Girl said lets gang up on him, with his little sister on his back, and the did. They hit him scratched him splashed water in his face and punched him. With his 3 year old siter on his back. They told Js mom that D had started it and so they retaliated. Did I mention Ds 3 YEAR OLD SISTER ON HIS BACK. This was unacceptable. He had several rules he had to follow
1) 45 Minutes at a time and I have to be out there and its outside only.
2) He had to be invited over he wasn't to just show up.
3) He was never to be there with D at the same time.
4) he had to be involved in a planned activity.
5) Any fighting and he had to go home.
6) He had to understand I am a mother not a referee and I'm not signing up for any other jobs.
7) If he wanted to swim he had to have his mother there. I am a mother not a lifegaurd if you object see the tail end of rule # 6.
8) if he cant act right he wont be able to come back over.
Well he proceded to come over every day at 8 hoping it was going to go back the way it was. See this is what abusers do. They make you mad till your ready to quit then they try to behave till they can start making you mad again. This little boy is off to a good start, unfortunatly its in the wrong direction.
So fast forward 2 weeks or so ago, my sister brings a tent over and we set it up. Its real nice we plan for each kid to be able to spend the night in it and everything is going well. Round about till it started to get dark. D&A were run off by J, though they did the right thing in leaving the yard they should have come and gotten me. J has followed none of the rules, coming to D&As yard knowing he isn't allowed there at all to try and get me and my kids out of there and picking fights with them hoping I would see and send D&A home and let him come play.
Well I let D come over on his B-day to swim. The 24th. He got to play and I had no cake for him so I gave them moon pies= cake and fruit snacks= Ice cream and I was taking L hers(the 3 year old). As I walk over I see J talking to the kids and this big red head girl coming over to my yeard. Its not till the next day I hear:
"Mommy why did D say we didnt want to mess with that girl cause she would knock us out?"
"Thats what was going on".. See I had told them not talk across the yard I didn't realise my kids had been threatened. And so, Ohh crapI forgot about the bike. Well to butter me up I guess they gave Corrin a red bike, we took it back that morning and I said J is no longer your friend. He puts you in danger and he isn't a very nice friend. So thats it. I'm done.I was going to go tell Js mom but I knew what the result would be. Anyhow I went over to cook lunch with D&As mom, we do that-cook for the kids and have coffee instead of me just being saddled with another kid- and Chiara went home for something. On the way she saw J and he tried to come over and she said
"Don't, were not your friend anymore".
"Well I'm not your friend anymore either".
Last thursday I came outside in the afternoon to see the tent, with everything moved to one, stakes pulled out, side folded over corner to corner and the middle bar, without which the tent is useless, stepped on and broken-point of the bend pointing towards the ground. Its a costly 3 room tent. So we put it in the front yard till I can get it fixed.
Yesterday it all came to a head.When I had gone the night Amy, it was her tent, was over to get some stuff to cook out the kids saw J and yelled at him. They were mad. The little tyrant had made much of their summer into a Screaming match and thier feeling were justified. They're actions were not. So she cameover here to my house yelling for like the millionth time this summer excluding the 2 big'uns. Husband went over there said he disagreed with me but whatever and I said that child is manipulative. You have no idea what I have put up with. Pity can only go so far.
So she came over here, with a glass of beer + ice and a straw and I reiterated the rules J hadn't followed and then I said the magic words.
"What it looks like to me is that j is going to these girls and telling them about D, whom they do not know and cannot possibly have a grudge with him, and then getting them to hit him and beat him up".
"Well thats.. I didn't even want that girl here. She was driving me nuts 3 hours after she came over and she had to go home. See.."
"She was over at your house the next day fooling with your pool, I saw here she didn't go home".
"But.. Let me just say one thing then I'll go home. You let D.."
"I'm not discussing D with you".
"Well your husband said.."
"I'm not discussing my husband with you we talked and we agree." Now this was repeated several times. She will come back because hubby loves J. And she is sure he has something to say about this.
"Well I'll see what he has to say about that. But let me just say and I'll go home that I have, everytime you knocked on my door I have always helped you. and I did"..
I will skip the litany of auto zone and ladders and checks for you. Did I mention I gave the check back? After the box throwing..Nope I didn't.
"Js mom, whenever I have done something for you I have never said another word about it". When someone does something for another that should be it. Gift givin, done.
It boiled over into me telling her to get out of my yard after that. Noone has ever done anything nice on this earth but her. She told me I am going to hell and all that I don't know God Im a nasty B**ch. Well on her way to her own yard I tried to say.
"You see when I go to D&As mom when they do something we talk and work it out. When I go to you you pat him on the back, take him to Mcdonalds and tell him everyone was ean to him".
"Your damn right I do cause I have a 30,000$ car and a license and money. Be jealous, be very jealous".
"You Got that car because an old man bought it for you".
"Yeah cause I got one of them".
And with that she went in with her cup of beer and ice.
I have to say I don't envy her she
1)is a former crack whore.
2) has a prison record.
3)hasn't had her kids for about 10 years till now and, God save him, lost one due to her drugs putting a hole in his heart.
4)has hepatitus C and is dying.
5)sleeps with an old man who cant even walk for money.
6) is too hooked on drugs to take care of the monster she has created.
There are a dozen more reasons that comment freaked me out. But no. I'd rather be me. This hasbeen the nuttiest thing I have everbeen through. No more drunks kids, sorry. I havn't the time be referee for madd tyrants.
And I mean that in an Ice Age "I wish I could fly" kinda way. Hubby wanted me to work on my blog so in addition to the thousand other things I have to do in a day, I have 6 kiddos, here I go.
Yesterday the peanuts and I were swimming, toddler and baby too, and the baby got tired of bouncing around the pool so I decided it was photo time. While taking the photos of my teeny bean I quickly noticed the little video camera at the top of the selections and thought "hey Ive never even tried that before" so I took several consecutive videos of the toddler and the baby. Of coarse the baby is bare nekkid, what good are swimmys really when your nursing.
So you have an infant.. naked.. on the ground. What does a naked 6 month old boy look like on the ground? A gorilla.
So I have these consecutive photos. the camera is hooked up to the computer and I click on I-photo and the puter sucks all the images up, then displays them for me.
So I play these consecutive videos and think to myself "if I could make them all play together that would so cool". I-photo says nothing about combining the...
Hey what is I-movie. Ooh, pretty. Let me see I can drag and drop all these clips down here to the bottom and there's.. Ohh my gosh its soo cute.
The next post is to be the result. I don't yet know how to post with a video and when I try to drop it into the *videos* selection it tells I'm about to leave a page with unsaved material. So I'll be right back.
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