Ohh Shut up

I am going to write a post that is in reference to a post on my husbands blog. I dunno how to link you but give me a few to figure it out.  mainmor.vox.com/library/post/the-northern-front.html  . Ok did that do it? We will see. I can't yet find the way to cut and paste.

Ok we have been having trouble with neighbors. I have had one neighbor for about 4 years and I have always know her to be a drunk/pot-smoker/cigarette enthusiast, as in 2 and a half packs a day. I have always know her to be a bit to forward when talking to the kids about her past and don't let the kids around her. Ever.. And they Never go into her house.

"Ohh no I'm sorry I breastfeed and he has to stay with me".  Ohh Thank  God I breastfeed.

"Well girl he is one year old he can take a bottle".

"Uhh no he really can't. It interferes with the breast feeding relationship."

"Thu Whut?".

"I really have to go. I have to get supper finished".

Now it may be hard to believe but I had to repeat this conversation with her for the both the babies I've had since we moved here.  I have tried to be a good neighbor and not be a problem. I didn't bother her and I considered her invitations to bring my kids over for her to watch uninviting but harmless.

We had been here about 1 year or more and our gray/old/no airconditioning but paid for van's battery died. I ran over and ask her if they could help us charge the car, we had jumper cables, and possibly take hubby to auto zone. She did and we thanked her. On 2 occasions I borrowed her ladder to get on top of the house. We didn't have one of our own, being new home owners, so that was nice. I thanked her and moved on.

We didn't talk much at all and then one day I decided it was cool enough to go for a walk. I plopped Eoin, who was a mere few months old, into his stroller told the kids to hop onto thier bikes and lets go. When we got back home it had gotten a touch cooler  so I sent one of the kids in to get me some coffee and them a drink. When they came out I asked for my keys back and they said "ohh". They had left the keys in the house. No problem we just go in and. What? Ok, They LOCKED the keys in the house. I got on my cell phone and called hubby and told him I had to break the back window to get in. The sun had gone under the clouds and a sharp cool breeze had begun to blow, we were freezing. He said absolutly not to break the window and he couldn't come home. So like an idiot, I should have broken the window pane and replaced it later, I took all the kids up on the porch and we sat there in shorts with no blankets and the baby with nothing to lay in but his swing, the stroller had been put inside, it was about 10:30 and we had eaten around 7:30. About and hour into my sitting there trying to figure out how to keep my kids warm and giving the kids sips of my coffee from a gas station mug my neighbor, the one were having problems with, drives up. She saw us on the porch and came over to ask why we were out there. I told her what happened and she brought us some box juices, towels and sheets to cover up, and some generic cheetos then went back into her house. She checked on us once more while I waited for hubby to come home.

He did get home, finally, and I put all the kids into a warm bath, youngest first, and got them fed. For 2 weeks we coughed and hacked, tiny little Eoin included. He coughed so much and then he would go limp like he wasn't breathing. I was scared to death. I should have broken the damn window and let the consequences be what they were.

I didn't see her again but a little till last summer. She had gotten custody of her son and bought him a pool and said "You should bring the kids over and we can make some hotdogs, it would be alot of fun"

"Ohh I suppose, I'd be glad to get the hot dogs. I buy them in these huge boxes at sams and they are real good. Just let me know when and I'll get 'em ready".  I get everything at sams, there is nothing you could say I need ... that wouldn't get the answer- Ohh I have a box of em let me go get you some.

Not a word for 3 weeks. She sees me checking the mail and we have nearly the same conversation, the kids hear it and constantly beg to go to her pool.

Never another word. I told the kids "I am not going to go begging after her pool, when we get the taxes done this winter we will buy you your own". Well I saw nothing of her son or her till I was out getting the mail and she said "hi, what are you all up too". Now by this time I have Eamon in my arms and we repeat the breastfeeding/no you can't watch my babies conversation. And I made the stoopid mistake of informing her that I had just bought the kids thier own pool.

"What size is it?"
 

"Its 14ft at the top and 18ft at the bottom. Its...".

"No its..The blow up ring is 14 ft around and its 4 ft..."

"Ohh you mean 3& a half feet. They only make the ones like mine, its 24 ft., 4 feet deep".

"uh no its 4 ft.deep and I.."

" Does it have a rain sprayer?"

"A what? No I dont think the box said anything about that. Its just the pump, the vaccum, the pool and some pool gear. I have all thier goggles, swim rings, body boards, and pool toys. As soon as it warms up a little I'm going to set it up".

"Ohh you will never get it up. Your yard isn't level and you have to have someone come out, it costs 4 hundred dollars to do it, and get them to fill your yard in with dirt and level it off. You probably can't do that".

" Ohh I'm the handy one in the house. I figure I just need to mark off where I'm going to put it and buy enough dirt to balance it...".

"But you'll need a big truck full of it. Thats a lot of dirt".

" I know it is. Im not sure how much we will need but I can take the seats out of the van and put it back there".

"Ohh, well..."

"I have to go The kids are running out after me"

"Ohh, hey kids..."

"Get inside guys I'm coming in too".

So everyone in class who knows what happens next raise your hands. Thats right children, every day from then on her son was at my back door.  See his 24ft, that looks exactly like mine, pool was laying at the bottom of a bunch of dirt & dried up leaves under a tarp that was covered with dog poop and just generally nasty stuff. So everyday I heard him.

"are you going to put your pool up yet?".

"No, its too cold out side still and I'm waiting for it to ..."

"but its warmer now, it gets real warm out".

"I'm not putting it up till its warmer but you guys can play outside".

And so this went on till June, by which time I had met my new neighbors little boy, I started getting ready to put up the pool.  We went and got the dirt , spread it out layed the pool on it. It wasn't enough, I arranged for my sister and her friend to come over and go get the dirt so I could lay it out. I put stakes in the ground and ran yarn from one to the other raising and lowering the yarn to get it right.I took my yellow bubble leveler and checked it. Check, we had that done now I started laying on the dirt. J, the first neighbors kid, was over as were  D & A  the new neighbors kids. They all said they would help put it up, none did. I mean really what could one expect they're kids, freshly out of school and ready to party. They were waiting for the water. I loved the look in thier eyes, its the look kids should have. Well after 85 40 lbs bag were layed and I did it lazy, I layed the bags where the dirt needed to go cut it with a pair of scissors and spread the dirt, we started to fill the pool. I had sent all the kids to play in the other side of the yard so we grown ups could work  and called them back when we were done. First it was a slip and slide. Then it was a splash pool then it was a cool bath. Janet asked it I needed anything and I said If you had another hose that would speed things up. She did and we were, well the kids were, hip deep in water. It was such a wonderful day. Unfortunately it was a sort of a honeymoon.

When I had met D it was on my back porch. My kids were having icees and I said he could have one but I had to talk to his mom first. I went over and asked if he could have one and if he was allergic to any dyes. He wasn't and she said he could have one. Everything was great, the kids were playing nice the boys were being boys- meaning they had the wooden swords we got at the Tn. Ren Fair and were "battleing" each other.  Every now and again one got a pop on the knuckles or other spot and cried.

"Calm down, take a deep breath.. Does this hurt?"

"No".

"Then your fine. Go play. Boys be careful those swords are heavy"

No harm no foul.  'Till J  got hit with a stick on the arm. I thought, "no biggie, Cullen, Corrin and D handled it".

"Just chill dude". Not a word. Straight back in the house.  His house, not crying, not upset, nothing!

The kids get antsy several days later and want to know if they can go see D's trampoline. So off I go to meet the new mom and we have a very intersting conversation.

"Hi, I'm Josephine, I was over before a few days ago. I don't mean to bother you but the kids think D is hilarious and want to know if he can come over or if they can play?"

"D is grounded, something happened the other day and he was too rough".

"Ohh is everything ok?"

"No that little boy over there got hit and his mom went nuts. I'm keeping him in for a few days".

"You mean when he was at my house?"

"No he came over later to play on the trampoline and the got to fooling around with sticks and J got hit".

"I've known her for 4 years, she just got her son back and her middle son died of a heart defect back before I had Eoin maybee she is being over protective right now".

"Maybee, I'm just keeping him in for now. He has to not get so worked up".

"Yeah, boy are built for agression though".

OK Up to now my kids had only played with J. A little boy named William comes to ride bikes with his sister sometimes but noone ever really talks to me. And at that note we continue the rest of this conversation.

"You have known her for 4 years huh?"

"Yes I have but only J for a few months, we met him before but he has only been around since the summer".

"Do you know about her? I mean.."

"Ohh yeah I know, I had a similar childhood and the rest I just take for what it is".

"You mean you do the same stuff she does?"

"No, we don't! No no. We don't do that stuff".

"I wasn't sure. She told us that you were different and kinda odd. She said you only talked to and trusted her. You know, that besides her you just kept to yourself".

"Uhh, no. I had a good friend over here who homeschooled too and the kids would ride together, She moved but we still see each other at church".

"Ohh, Well thats good. I might let D play for a bit he has been miserable".

And so all the kids would come to my house and I would make them sandwiches, much to my husbands displeasure, and they played and swam and goofed off. I handled the spats as needed and thought they were solved. End of honeymoon. 

J Got more agressive and more whiny at the same time. I told him that its OK to be stressed but you have to pick up and move on. You can't dwell on hurts so much. Believe me I know, dwelling just makes it more painful.  The boys, D & J, got into more fights and D's mom would call him home and J's mom would stand on the side of the road screaching about all the damned mean a** kids in the neighborhood. All the kids and parents in the neighborhood call her the b*tch on the corner or the drunk b*tch on the corner, all of them. She even told me she knew they called her that and didn't care. Anyhow the point is her son, who was picking some of these fights, was not called home. I sent him home and he tried to argue and I said

 "My kids have to go inside anyhow. Everyone is going to get cranky".

"Ohh can I come in?"

"No, its time for everyone to go home".

"Why can't I come in. I wanna play the game cube? Can I play animal crossing?"

"No, Its time to go home. Kids come on we gotta do lunch. By J we will see you tomorrow".

So he goes home. I should mention that J's mom and I had talked and I agreed to watch him from about 8:30 in the morning 'till noon or 1o'clock every other tuesday so she could go to an older mans house and clean for him. I never asked her for anything so when she said he had given her 40$ to pay me, he was there till 4:00 nearly everytime and stayed longer after she got home, but she was only giving me two fives,=10 bucks, I didn't care.  Now this happened 4 times. Her son was over here all day. He would get on the game cube even though we go from youngest to oldest. He told my kids to "get off" so he could play. He was so mean to Saoirse. He used to ask her if she wanted something then take it away and give it to Chiara. And worse Chiara took it. He would tell them he wanted to play mario with them and then say he wanted to play animal crossing be himself instead, for 4 hour straight. And worse my kids let him.

After he went home I talked to the kids and told them to not let people exclude/hurt thier siblings. All seemingly petty stuff. Patterns started to develope. Be nice to Saoirse, push her of the recliner, which he for some reason had decided only he could sit in.Be nice to Cullen take away stuff he is playing with.

"J you need to stop that. They are smaller than you and you have to be careful. If you are mean to them they will get tired of it and be mean to you."

"But he isn't sharing. I just wanted to see it and.."

"You are 12. He is 5 and she is 6. Keep your hands to yourself".

He didn't. I'd  send him home for a day and the same crap would start up. Or id send him home and 10 minutes later get... Rinnggg. Rinng.

"Hello".

"Hey, Josie, J was wonderin if he could come over and I gotta go do something right quick I'll be right back I promise".

"Ok but call me when you get back I just sent him home".

"Why what'e do?"

"He was taking stuff from the babies and pushing them off thier stuff".

"Oh, well kids do stuff like that.He will be over in a minute. I'll talk to him".

"Ok".

He comes back over and same stuff. It never failed, when she got home I'd try to send him home she had just smoked a bunch of weed taken a percocet for her migrain and needed me to watch& feed him for a while. I decided to be charitable and believe that percocet can bugg your eyes out and dilate your pupils too. I had never taken it so why not. However, after 4 or 5 times of this and one time of her running over to my yard in a panic and telling me that her hubby was drinking and she had to run over to the afore mentioned old-mans house to get some money in case her hubby threw her and J out. OK  well we had been swimming all  day.  I had no intentions of baby sitting him but there I was stuck with him for another 2 and a half hours. I fed him supper and waited for his mom to come and get him. Now it really upset me that Chiara had handed my baby to J. As she was leaving she stopped and and J got in her car with my infant son. My daughter, had I not been accousted by J's mom and forced into service, would have gotten the hell slapped out of her. I was so sick I could have thrown up when I saw his mom scooting down the road with the passenger door open and J sitting there holding.. OMG somebodies gonna die, my infant son is in the drunks car. Its not what I should have thought but when I saw him thats what I happened to think.

So lets go forward to a month ago. The kids were all over playing in the pool and when we got out they were to get rinsed off and get ready to go home. J, for probably the same reason he decided my recliner was his, decided he was the only person who could rinse people off. Except he was spraying them in the face.

"J quit. That hurts".

"Hey stop spraying people in the face".

"J stop that right now. I will send you home. Whats going on?".

"J was spraying D in the face and he threw a box at J".

"Yeah he threw a box at me".

"Well J I don't think he could have seen you and thats wrong for you to do. That a power sprayer and you have it on jet . It feels like your skin is being cut to get hit with that".

"So what are we going to do tonight Chiara, can we watch sailor moon".

"Guys, I have to get your dad to help me put together Amys VCR and make it work on out TV".

"Whats going on tonight".

"D is spending the night".

"Can I spend the night".

"No we have had this in the works for a week and I can only handle 1 extra kid at a time".

J went home. He got his radio, I asked him not to bring it, his towel and his stuff and he went home. He wasn't crying or upset he just walked out Corrin helped him carry his stuff back to his place and we are getting things ready for D to come over. and...

"Josie, what the hell just happened?"

"I have no idea, what?"

"J is over there crying because his ear and mouth hurts".

"What?"

"He said D just hit him in the face with a box".

"I'm not sure even if he did throw it at him and hit him he wouldn't have been able to see because J was spraying him in the face with my pressure nozzle".

"Well J just had surgery to pull his tooth and Im not  going to have some kids hitting him with boxes".

"They didn't Hit him with boxes, D threw a box and I guess hit him.  He left my house with nothing wrong and said not a word to me that it hit him"

"WellI don't want him being hit  and.."

"He was spraying everyone in the face with a pressure hose.  I asked him not to do that and he did anyways. Saoirse and Cullen are too small for that and it hurts like your being cut". I mean duh its a PRESSURE NOZZLE.

"Well regaurdless I don't want him being hit".

OK here let me just consign myself to watching every little stupid thing your son does and make sure innocent 8 year olds don't throw things at him.. I'll get right on that. Really I will.

Ok a few day later we had the kids baptised , The God parents were down and I had to refill my pool. I got it finished on saturday night/earlysunday morning. D&A and J were invited to the party. We all swam and The godparents had to so so I put the pinata up.

"Can I go first".

"No J the little ones are going first its thier party."

"Oh, can I go next".

"NO".

"Ok, we all get 5 hits".

My niece K had her hits and then going on up to the oldest. After it was all said and done I ripped it open  and dumped it out and the kids were gettig stuff. I had 8 to 10 cars in there and J was grabbing them. I said for him to leave some for the younger kids. He was plowing over people and being generally dumb. So his mom came and got his bag and Chiara and my kids had thier candy gone before you could say hotdogs anyone.

Two days later. Tuesday, me and the kids are swimming and J comes over to swim. well from around the corner I hear:

"Hey lets put the frogs in the pool"  If you see the post "Saoirse destroyer of worlds" you'll see the frogs, anyhow not 5 days later-after that photo- they were put in the pool.

"Noooo Don't put the frogs in the pool. I just.. Who put those in there?"

"J" rang out a choir. So in my newly cleaned pool, 1 day later we had  tadpoles. Lots of them. I had a literal biblical plauge brewing in my brand new pond, and it was thick as mud. I couldn't do it again. Its 50 bucks to refill the pool so the next time I saw Janet I told her there would be no more swimming as I had to drain my pool again just a week after refilling it because J had put frogs in my pool. It was july the fourth and she told me she was sorry and she would give me 50$ to refillit and Ohh I was saving her money and I've been so good to let him be over so often and he loved eatin' over there because I cook well. OK I take the check and give it to hubby. It sits in his wallet and we aren't going to cash it till we need to pay the water bill. Then the Sh*t hit the fan.

Everyone was over, we had talked about the whole not bulling other people and and running home to mommy. He knew he had to behave and T, D&A s mom was over and Tiny littleLl was in the pool. L is 3 years old, do keep this in mind, and on her brother Ds back. A went home early for a dunking violation and we were sitting talking watching our kids, J and some girl he had brought over, Js mother of coarse is not there. He had a girl over to swim before and she was sweet as sugar so I had no problem with it.. Wrong thing to do. I hear a huge flurry of motion and get up.

"Mom D is choking Corrin"

"What?'

"They are all splashing him and kicking him underwater and he grabbed Corrin".

Im putting the baby down  but when I get up there I see this girl grabbing his hair and kicking D. I was livid  as was Ds mother. We get d out of the pool and his mother sends him home. She was yelling back at the girl

"Be quiet, don't think I didnt see you on him". I was not yet clear on what had happened so I asked the most honest person in my yard.

"Chiara what happened. After we got in that girl said to gang upon D"  And gang up they did. J told his mom that D was kicking him and the girl in thier privates. He had his little sister on his back and sands 4 ft 4 and a half. My pool is 4 ft deep when I have it to the rim. I can smell the stink of that lie right off. Js mom was coming over to yell at me and D and she wasn't sure what what had happened yet. AS she walked out the door D told his big brother that J had beat him up, and after all was said and done thats what we found out had happened, and he was headed over to repay the favor. A left her house after his mom yelled for him to get in and I asked my daughter what happened in front of Js mom. She told her the same story I got. Girl said lets gang up on him, with his little sister on his back, and the did. They hit him scratched him splashed water in his face and punched him. With his 3 year old siter on his back. They told Js mom that D had started it and so they retaliated. Did I mention Ds 3 YEAR OLD SISTER ON HIS BACK. This was unacceptable. He had several rules he had to follow

1) 45 Minutes at a time and I have to be out there and its outside only.
2) He had to be invited over he wasn't to just show up.
3) He was never to be there with D at the same time.
4) he had to be involved in a planned activity.
5) Any fighting and he had to go home.
6) He had to understand I am a mother not a referee and I'm not signing up for any other jobs.
7) If he wanted to swim he had to have his mother there. I am a mother not a lifegaurd if you object see the tail end of rule # 6.
8) if he cant act right he wont be able to come back over.

Well he proceded to come over every day at 8 hoping it was going to go back the way it was. See this is what abusers do. They make you mad till your ready to quit then they try to behave till they can start making you mad again. This little boy is off to a good start, unfortunatly its in the wrong direction. 

 So fast forward 2 weeks or so ago, my sister brings a tent over and we set it up. Its real nice we plan for each kid to be able to spend the night in it and everything is going well. Round about till it started to get dark. D&A were run off by J, though they did the right thing in leaving the yard they should have come and gotten me.  J has  followed none of the rules, coming to D&As yard knowing he isn't allowed there at all to try and get me and my kids out of there and picking fights with them hoping I would see and send D&A home and let him come play.

 Well I let D come over on his B-day to swim. The 24th. He got to play and I had no cake for him so I gave them moon pies= cake and fruit snacks= Ice cream and I was taking L hers(the 3 year old). As I walk over I see J talking to the kids and this big red head girl coming over to my yeard. Its not till the next day I hear:

"Mommy why did D say we didnt want to mess with that girl cause she would knock us out?"

"Thats what was going on".. See I had told them not talk across the yard I didn't realise my kids had been threatened. And so, Ohh crapI forgot about the bike. Well to butter me up I guess they gave Corrin a red bike, we took it back that morning and I said J is no longer your friend. He puts you in danger and he isn't a very nice friend. So thats it. I'm done.I was going to go tell Js mom but I knew what the result would be. Anyhow I went over to cook lunch with D&As mom, we do that-cook for the kids and have coffee instead of me just being saddled with another kid- and Chiara went home for something. On the way she saw J and he tried to come over and she said

"Don't, were not your friend anymore".

"Well I'm not your friend anymore either".

Last thursday I came outside in the afternoon to see the tent, with everything moved to one, stakes pulled out, side folded over corner to corner and the middle bar, without which the tent is useless, stepped on and broken-point of the bend pointing towards the ground. Its a costly 3 room tent. So we put it in the front yard till I can get it fixed.

Yesterday it all came to a head.When I had gone the night Amy, it was her tent, was over to get some stuff to cook out the kids saw J and yelled at him. They were mad. The little tyrant had made much of their summer into a Screaming match and thier feeling were justified. They're actions were not. So she cameover here to my house yelling for like the millionth time this summer excluding the 2 big'uns. Husband went over there said he disagreed with me but whatever and I said that child is manipulative. You have no idea what I have put up with. Pity can only go so far.

So she came over here, with a glass of beer + ice and a straw and I reiterated the rules J hadn't followed and then I said the magic words.

"What it looks like to me is that j is going to these girls and telling them about D, whom they do not know and cannot possibly have a grudge with him, and then getting them to hit him and beat him up".

"Well thats.. I didn't even want that girl here. She was driving me nuts 3 hours after she came over and she had to go home. See.."

"She was over at your house the next day fooling with your pool, I saw here she didn't go home".

"But.. Let me just say one thing then I'll go home. You let D.."

"I'm not discussing D with you".

"Well your husband said.."

"I'm not discussing my husband with you we talked and we agree." Now this was repeated several times. She will come back because hubby loves J. And she is sure he has something to say about this.

"Well I'll see what he has to say about that. But let me just say and I'll go home that I have, everytime you knocked on my door I have always helped you. and I did"..

I will skip the litany of auto zone and ladders and checks for you. Did I mention I gave the check back? After the box throwing..Nope I didn't.

"Js mom, whenever I have done something for you I have never said another word about it". When someone  does something for another that should be it. Gift givin, done.

It boiled over into me telling her to get out of my yard after that. Noone has ever done anything nice on this earth but her. She told me I am going to hell and all that I don't know God Im a nasty B**ch. Well on her way to her own yard I tried to say.

"You see when I go to D&As mom when they do something we talk and work it out. When I go to you you pat him on the back, take him to Mcdonalds and tell him everyone was ean to him".

"Your damn right I do cause I have a 30,000$ car and a license and money. Be jealous, be very jealous".

"You Got that car because an old man bought it for  you".

"Yeah cause I got one of them".

And with that she went in with her cup of beer and ice.

I have to say I don't envy her she

1)is a former crack whore.
2) has a prison record.
3)hasn't had her kids for about 10 years till now and, God save him, lost one due to her drugs putting a hole in his heart.
4)has hepatitus C and is dying.
5)sleeps with an old man who cant even walk for money.
6) is too hooked on drugs to take care of the monster she has created.

There are a dozen more reasons that comment freaked me out. But no. I'd rather be me. This hasbeen the nuttiest thing I have everbeen through. No more drunks kids, sorry. I havn't the time be referee for madd  tyrants.